(no subject)

[shelley_winters]

It hurts.

Everything hurts now, her head, and eyes and throat from crying on and off, weak and hopeless and angry.

(It's not fair not fair it's not-)

Her hands and feet are freezing cold, though it's a relief to press chill fingers to her hot aching head. She's stopped feeling hungry. Curled against the wall on her bed, Shelley shivers.

She can't get up.

She's not well, she should sleep if she's not-

(No dreaming, stop it, not fair)

No sleep. Rest a bit more, that's sensible, makes sense to rest when you hurt.

Her throat is sore, but she just drank some water, and she's too tired to get up again.

The door remains locked.

Comments

[shelley_winters]

Everything hurts.

Losing him - and not quite him, Joar Addam, the man he once was - and the injustice of it all hurts. And now it hurts physically as well, from crying and not sleeping and her head won't stop aching.

"...My head. And it's not fair and- everything."

[forsaken-bard.livejournal.com]

His hand slowly rubbed across her back. A soothing motion. His voice soft as spoke to her. Completely for the sound of his voice rather than anything he might say.

"Shhh... My lady..."

[shelley_winters]

"And I didn't know, I didn't know what was happening..."

Her small hoarse voice is muffled as she tries to explain, because it seems terribly important that she must.

[forsaken-bard.livejournal.com]

He shook his head slightly as he shifted the way he holding her. With a slight frown, he slid his hand underneath her, and carefully lifted her more securely into his arms. Not exactly appropriate, but necessary. A gentle squeeze from his arms as she was cradled in his lap and in his arms.

"Of course, you did not. No one could fault you for that. Certainly, not I."

[shelley_winters]

She shakes her head silently, not letting go as he shifts her. She couldn't care less whether this is appropriate or no, though the reminder of Joar's insistence on propriety would likely have hurt.

[forsaken-bard.livejournal.com]

He glanced down at the girl he was cradling, and as he had done in those old days long ago, he sang to her. A gentle song from his childhood, his own voice low and soft, sliding in and out of a whisper.


Weep not, child,
Weep not, my darling,
With these kisses let me remove your tears;
The ravening clouds shall not long be victorious,
They shall not long possess the sky—shall devour the stars only in apparition:
Jupiter shall emerge—be patient—
Watch again another night—the Pleiades shall emerge,
They are immortal—all those stars,
Both silvery and golden, shall shine out again,
The great stars and the little ones shall shine out again—they endure;
The vast immortal suns, and the long-enduring pensive moons, shall again shine.

[shelley_winters]

The tight hold of her hands relaxes little by little as he sings.

Her expression tightens as he softly kisses her on the forehead, a small unhappy sound escaping from her.

[forsaken-bard.livejournal.com]

A curious look on his face at the sound. A frown as he asks curiously.

"I am sorry if that displeased you, my lady."

[shelley_winters]

She shuts her eyes and shakes her head even as helpless tears well.

"No."

She always did like to hear him sing.

[forsaken-bard.livejournal.com]

A somber look on his face as he glances down at her. His voice calm and composed.

"You may cry if you need to. I will not think less of you."

A pause as he gently touched her face with his hand.

"Nothing you do will make me think less of you."

[shelley_winters]

Shelley turns her face closer to him as she cries, either trying to hide it or simply needing that sense of closeness and reassurance.

She can't think properly. All she can feel is that it hurts, and he's helping.

[forsaken-bard.livejournal.com]

He spoke softly to her, as if to soothe away some of her agony with his voice. His hand rubbing up and down her back in a slow, steady motion.

"Shhh... It will all be well, my lady. It will all be well."

[shelley_winters]

It is a while before she can ask, shivering weakly as she cries.

"...How?"

[forsaken-bard.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately, he found himself in a rather difficult predicament since his previous statement had been a lie. It seemed like a good idea at the time. His hand still stroking her back gently.

"There is nothing to remind you of that time. You can move on, if you so desire."

[shelley_winters]

Shelley shakes her head mutely, still sobbing hard.

Why would she want to move on? She shouldn't have to move on.

[forsaken-bard.livejournal.com]

With a somewhat resigned smile on his face, he clenched her tightly to his chest. His arms tightening around the crying redhead in his arms, as he sang in a soft voice to her.

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they're here to stay
Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Suddenly, I'm not half to man I used to be,
There's a shadow hanging over me.
Oh, yesterday came suddenly.

Why she had to go I don't know she wouldn't say.
I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday.

Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play.
Now I need a place to hide away.
Oh, I believe in yesterday.

[shelley_winters]

Her sobs quieten slowly as he sings. She is tired, and crying exhausts her. In a while she is simply lying there curled in his arms. Her head throbs dully.

[forsaken-bard.livejournal.com]

Hearkening to how he comforted in those earlier days, he studied her for a moment. They had been happy then. Leaning down, he kissed her chastely on the forehead, and gently stroked her cheek with a thumb.

"It disturbs me to see my lady in so much pain."

His lady. He supposed she was, and possibly always would be, as far as he was concerned.

[shelley_winters]

"I don't want to be. But I can't- not..."

Her hands tighten slightly, but she no longer seems to need to cry.

[forsaken-bard.livejournal.com]

His arms still cradling her snugly as he glances down at her. A long sigh because he knew what it was like to be where she was, and he had no arms to take shelter in.

"I know what you are feeling. I have been there. You are not alone."

(I know what sorrow is all about)

[shelley_winters]

Shelley nods quietly, green eyes open but distant. She knows.

The room is cold.

[forsaken-bard.livejournal.com]

She lay in his arms, almost like a corpse. Cradling her small body, he occasionally sang softly to her, but mainly he held her-his cheek to her forehead in a close embrace, so that that any onlooker might consider them each a trivial part of a single whole-incomplete without the other.

And the Wheel of Time turned.

[shelley_winters]

The room slowly grows dark as the hour gets later. Only the soft sound of his voice as he sings breaks the silence.

Eventually she sleeps, still curled up at the end of her bed.